Happy Turkey Day!!!

I know, I know, It's been a while and some of you are fiending for me like a crackhead ran dry, but I am only posting this to let y'all know that I am still alive... I didn't die in some freak truck accident on the way back to this lovely state. My computer is on the fritz right now and refuses to connect to the internet (insert sad face). Hopefully soon I will be able to get it fixed or figure out the problem, but for now, I must say... I have missed you all!!
Update on me. Working to jobs (Wick's on Goose Creek and the Goose Creek Diner), happy as a clam, and loving the being home with Patrick. It's been a hell of a couple months but it seems to be getting better everyday! But I must emphasize on my jobs. The boys at Wick's don't trust me, because I am the kitchen manager's girl friend... There is an unspoken code in the kitchen though and that is don't rat some one out because you may need them to cover your back in the future. At the diner, I am just a glorified dishwasher... I work with two ex Wick's employees who talk bad about Patrick in front me. I hate the job but for now it brings in the money.
I had 5 teeth filled on Monday and I don't ever want to do that again! Although I have to call and make at least 2 more appointments to have more teeth filled. I also need to get my wisdom teeth out still. But on a better note, Packers play the Lions today and I am freaking excited. Let's go Packers!! Whooo!
Anyways, I gotta get off for now and hopefully real soon, I'll be blogging from home!
Y'all, have a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Lizz- That's two zz's! haha

Update!

This is Jes! I'm posting on Lizz's blog for her since her compy is on the fritz! She's currently back in Louisville and loving it down there. For those of you who've been wanting to meet up with her when she got back down there, she's at Wicks ALL THE TIME. So go meet here.

With that I'm off

Jes

The First Ever....

BOOK REVIEW SUNDAY!! Wohooo!
Now, I have been talking about this book non-stop to you guys, or so it seems, so I thought why not review it for you guys! So, on to the review!

Aftermath, Inc. Cleaning up after CSI Goes Home
by: Gil Reavill

This book is not for the weak stomached and definantly not for meant for those who are afraid to die or are afraid to face the fact that they will eventually pass from this world to the next. The reason I recommend this book is for the simple fact that many of us watch the crime scene shows (CSI, Law and Order, NCIS, Bones, etc.).
It starts out gruesome, explaining a double homicide/suicide. Explaining that sometimes crime scenes are the worst to clean up after.
"He was not done yet. He poured lighter fluid over Johnson's crotch are and set his testicles on fire. After allowing the flames to burn for a long beat- his best friend screaming at his feet, his estranged wife weeping one room away- Mazilli used his machine pistol to put a coup de grace bullet through Tommy Johnson's heart."
It slowly slips and slides through the many scenes Reavill helped the guys at Aftermath, Incorporated clean up. It seemed like he had help with everything from the double murder/suicide, teen suicide, homicide, and even decompisation. This book definantly wins points for gross out factors, but wait there's more!
He had many history lessons, including all about Aftermath and how they got started, Ed Gein, Al Capone, and the likes. Reavill talks about his feelings when he first enters the Aftermath offices and when he was finished with the the 'lesson learning'. He recounts his first clean up, and how he couldn't handle his weak stomach. With all of the almost morbid cast over the book, he still had some well placed witty remarks, including things about the Wicked Witch and Gil Grisom. My favorite part is the in depth look of a person, whether it be when he talked about entering the house and looking around, or the other Techs he worked with. Some of them, if not most, are ex-jocks that some how hold the business side very well and still be empathetic.
So, on the note of finishing this review, I'll leave you with this.
"In the most expansive view of the subject, a great deal of world literaturecan be classified as true crime, from Gilgamesh and Hamlet to The Passion of the Christ. But for me, the world of true crime, the world if Aftermath, was the opposite of clear-cut, morally certain territory. It was a deeply compromised place, just as messy and difficult to clean up as a job itself. Yes, I knew and honored the traditional forms of respect for the dead. But neither could I shake the relish, the satisfying sense of not-me, the voyeuristic thrill."
I hope you all try to put the squemishness past yourself and read this book! It made me want to work for Aftermath.

On another note: I am less than 14 hours from being home in Louisville!! Yay! I already know not very much reading is getting done this week, to much to do when I get back. But I will try to do BOOK REVIEW SUNDAY about twice a month, so look for the next one! I'm always reading about 6 books at once so I'll never know what I am going to finish next, so also keep an eye on my bookshelf. And if you have any suggestions, I am willing to take them. As they say don't judge a book by the cover, wait until you get done with the first chapter! Haha!
Well, I must sign off for now and hope you enjoy this lovely Sunday and the next post will be from Louisville!

5 Songs Stuck in my Head:
Inside the Fire- Disturbed
I Would Do Anything For Love- Meatloaf
Leave Out All The Rest- Linkin Park
Don't Let Me Get Me- Pink
and...
Crash and Burn- Savage Garden

We are compelled to do what we are forbidden.

*Disclaimer* If you do not like teen angst and/or sparkley vampires, please just disregard this entire blog. Tee hee.

Now, I love the entire Twilight series. It could have been written a little bit better, but it still was yummy. Everyone has chosen their sides, Team Edward and Team Jacob. I on the other hand have chosen Team Emmett. I'm still with the vampires, yes, yet I have the big cuddly teddy bear, Rosalie can go to hell and burn there. :) I will say this I am not normally one to fall for the burlesque guy, but for some reason Emmett appeals to my better nature. I'm sure it is because he always has a smile and a joke, and that he is so loving towards Rosalie (who for most of the four books you want to just stake through the heart, Buffy style). Emmett is my man though and I will not change him for anything...

My other HUGE problem with the books is... When did vampires start sparkling? Alright, that's a nice twist on vampires but give me Lestat, Spike, and Damon anyday. I like my vampires bad, night stalkers. I want to be batted around and played with as if they are the cat and I, the mouse. Edward just reminds me of Angel, I liked Angel good, but I loved him as Angelus more. So here is what I say, if you want to make your vampire come out during the day, you've got 2 possible options that make sense. 1) give them a ring that allows for daytime shenanigans (Damon- [Vampire Diaries] has a ring, Angel/Spike- [Buffy] had a ring until Angel destroyed it.) OR 2) Twist the story into plausible holy water doesn't hurt, can't stake them, crosses don't do shit, and the daylight doesn't hurt them. Make it so that every little 'myth' we've heard about vampires, just doesn't work!

So, anyways that ends my rant for tonight. Any other thoughts are allowed! :)

5 Songs stuck in my head:

Supermassive Black Hole- Muse

Better Than Me- Hinder

Decode- Paramore

Total Immortal- AFI

and...

Tears Don't Fall- Bullet For My Valentine

The Ville

I get really tired of people pronouncing the Ville wrong. Call it The Ville, or even L'Ville, but if you call it by it's proper pronounce it as if you've been there at least once. The city has signs like these all over the place, you can buy shirts and hats with this logo, and people still don't realize they pronounce it wrong. When every one says oh you are going back to Louis-ville, I'm like no I'm going back to Looavul and then I explain that you pronounce as if you have a mouthful of marbles while you say it. It justs irks my irkser when people don't pronounce things right. grr.

I am a huge fan of local music, I like being able to go out to a bar, sit down and hear some music that isn't main stream music. I like being able to chill with them between sets and have a couple drinks. I've met the Villebillies with Tuck living next to me for about a year, I've sat around with them as they have just practiced and bullshitted. I've met some awesome people that just come through Wick's or play there every couple of weekends. Um... Benjamin just called and I lost my train of thought... Oh, right. The funny thing is I use to sit up at Wick's before I turned 21 and listen to the bands with a soda in hand. I've made some good friends that way too. Tuck has been trying to get a hold of me every couple of weeks, just to see if I got my phone back on. He was very surprised when it rang and I answered. Phil (he plays at Wick's alot) is a friend of mine of Facebook and can't wait to see my shining face again.

Louisville is one of the prettiest cities I've ever been in. It has the River Front and the skyline at night is gorgeous. It has it's problems like every other city but all the same it has it's history. The Louisville Sluggar Museum and Field, The Belle of Louisville, A place that blows glass, Muhammed Ali street (road, or lane... not sure).

Anyways, I'm so out for the night. I've got a book to finish before Monday and things to do. So y'all have a great night, day or whatever.

5 Songs Stuck in My Head:

Superman- Eminem

One Week- Barenaked Ladies

Strawberry Fields Forever- the Beatles

Whiskey- The Villebillies

and...

Grass Roots- The Villebillies

I must throw a last one in there:

My Old Kentucky Home- Nappy Roots feat. Villebillies and Goodfella

P.S. the Villebillies have been a big name band for a while so you can buy the first and second CD's at Amazon and the likes. Yet if you would like to know what they are about and hear some of their stuff hit them up on Facebook, Myspace and even Twitter OR here http://www.villebillies.com/

Happy Fall!

Today has been one of those days. The days were all the good and bad is all mixed in together. The bad side of today was, I didn't get up on time this morning for Patrick and I's daily Facebook Conversation, then I fell off my neice's bunk bed, and then I couldn't text Patrick all day because his texting isn't working! Yet, it's been a good day because I have about a week until I will be back in the Ville, I have had time to clean and time for myself, and also I got to play with Lee Ann (the four year old) in the leaves today! We raked them all together in one HUGE pile and then we jumped in them, threw them at each other, and buried each other.

We made a fun time out of cleaning up the entire yard and making it look less like a trailer park. I wish I had some apple cider and a piece of pumpkin pie. The weather has been beautiful besides the little bit of rain this afternoon and tonight, but today was the perfect day for outdoor fall activities. I am just hoping Halloween is as warm as the last week.

It has been an alright day, So on to trying to sleep and wishing the week would go by faster.

Nite y'all!

5 Songs Stuck in my Head:

Talk Dirty To Me- Poison

Misery Business- Paramore

The Rock Show- Blink 182

Safety Dance- Men Without Hats

and...

Big Green Tractor- Jason Aldean

Love is the slowest form of Suicide...

because his lips are laced with cyanide and Im addicted to his kiss. :)

Now, I am UBER-EXCITED because a week from wednesday I will be sitting at Wick's on Goosecreek, enjoying their $10 all you can eat pizza and beer and waiting for Patrick to come home!

For those of you, who have been through this entire excruciating exile to Elba, do not have pity anymore. I will be home and I will be having a lot more excitement for you all! No, I will not tell you about my 'extra-curricular' activities, but I will tell you about sitting in the bar, work, and what ever else seems to be on my mind and may make you laugh so hard you pee your pants! No more depressing stuff about life, but I am possibly seeing a TMI Thursday or Tuesday (or something) in my very near future.

I just have to make to next week before I explode into a million pieces from excitement! Yay, time for a celebration! No more wishing for sex to take the edge of my day, I'll have it! No more deaing with the Ohio economy... It's sucks. And definantly no more, wonderful breakdowns!! Yay! So, let's throw a party and celebrate!

5 Songs to Celebrate:

Toxic- Britney Spears

Rich, Young, Dumb Nymphomaniac- Chris LeDoux

Paralyzer- Finger Eleven

Hicktown- Jason Aldean

and...

Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen

Please, Mr. Axe Murder....

I didn't mean to kill your tulips, so, please, please, please don't kill me!

So Jaime and I have been playing a lot of the Game of Life lately. It has just been to joyful and 'oh, you are doing well in life'. I know, it's a kids game but what if there were an adult version....
Paths in life-
1) instead of choosing if you want to take the family path or career path, you have to spin a certain number and that tell you which way you must take.
2) Serial Killer path: you spin a 1-5 and you get to escape from his clutches and are safely in the custody of police, if you spin a 6-10, you are now his hostage, and may possibly die.
3)Family or Career: again you spin 1-5, you take the career path, filled with the happiness of hating your job, being fired, quitting, pay raises, promotion, no family, no spouse, and one night stands that you contract untimely diseases. spin 5-10, you jump on the path to family, which is filled with divorce, to many kids, a stay at home spouse, salary cuts (to show that you are not making enough to support your family, yet you still make ends meet), toy purchases, teen daughters, AA classes, etc.
Cars- are old beat up P.O.S.'s until you land on one of 5 spaces, where it will tell you that something untimely causes your car to go caput and you must spend $100,000 (not the real price of a car) to buy a new one, also there are spaces that have things to do with fixing cars (i.e. brakes go pay 10,000 to have them fixed and lose one turn)
Squares along the board-
1) Roof needs repaired on house, pay ....
2) Car catches on fire while on the highway, pay .... in hospitol bills
3) win lottery collect ... , a couple squares down from that, lose money when mugged by hobo, give to the person your right.
4) Go to rehab for Meth addiction pay ....

Anyways, that is only a few things that I have thought about for my adut version of life. If you've got any more ideas, leave a comment, if not leave a comment on your thoughts and because you love to show me love!

5 songs that are stuck in my head:
I'm Yours- Jason Mraz
All Summer Long- Kid Rock
Summertime- Rascal Flatts
Detroit Rock City- KISS
and...
Live Your Life- Rihanna feat. T.I.

Peach Pork with Mushroom Risotto

I went to a vocational school before attending Sullivan University for Culinary Arts and Hotel/Restaurant Management. The reason I state this is because I had plans with a friend to go eat at the restaurant, that is run by the students of the Culinary Arts program, this afternoon. Well, to say the least, I hyped my self up for the Tangy Pork and Peaches (sautéed pork tenderloin served over rice pilaf with sweet cinnamon peach sauce) that they serve and ended up not getting a chance to go. So, Jaime and I have decided that we are going to put in our reservation and go next week! Yay!! Plus, on top of the Pork, they serve things like Salmon, and Filet Mignon, you can also order salads and sandwiches. If the food had not caught my eye (I am what people would call a foodie), I would be seeing my old Chefs. The ones that had pushed and pushed and pushed and helped me excel at something I love.
I'm not saying I am anywhere near Hell's Kitchen status, but I do know my temps, conversions, and sanitation. I sometimes wish that I could be on Hell's Kitchen though just because I would love to work with Gordon Ramsey.
Anyways, the things that I have learned inside the kitchens and halls of that school out number the things I actually learned in school and I am ok with that. Yet, I went to Sullivan (I still have to finish) and was being taught the exact same thing the JVS taught me, and I excelled, even loved every minute. I ended up switching to Hotel/Restaurant Management half way through my culinary degree, instead of getting a dual degree, since it would have been harder on my work schedule and the semi-social life I still had. The only problem I had with Sullivan was that I enjoyed my summers off (even if I had been working all summer), but it goes year round, so that you can get a Associate's in 12 semesters (about 2 years).
But being the foodie I am I must quit rambling about school and talk about food! Let's see my favorite menu...

App- Either a salad with Raspberry Vinagrette or Broccoli and Cheese Soup
Entree- Stuffed Pork Chops (Stuffed with Macintosh apples [from MI] and bread stuffing), homemade chunky mashed potatos, and brussell sprouts
Dessert- Tiramisu- its a coffee cake and it is so delicious. Ladyfingers, Marscapone cheese, Expresso coffee...

If you can make that, I will marry you in a heartbeat without thinking, but it has to be all homemade. :) If you would like any of my recipes either send me a message or an email. I would be more than willing to help your taste buds dazzle with magnificence! I would love to invite y'all over for dinner too but that would have to be after Patrick oks it and tastes tests EVERYTHING! :) I love the kitchen, it's like my safe haven when the world seems to be getting in, through tthe screen door and my imagination is in overdrive. So, please come join the festivities and join me in a sensations of the tastebuds.

5 kick ass kitchen songs:
Chicken Fried- Zac Brown Band
Transylvanian Concubine- Rasputina
White Lines- Grandmaster Flash
Monkey Wrench- Foo Fighters
and...
Shut Me Up- Mindless Self Indulgence

Within grasp.

Louisville was soooo close, I could almost taste it!! I was totally thinking as soon as I get there I am going directly to Wick's on Goosecreek and ordering food and a hardcore drink (Southern Comfort and Moutain Dew aka Creek Water)!! I had this entire thing planned out and then find out the person who offered to give me a ride back has a full truck of his crap (lol) but was very, very, very! Sorry!!! Alright, so now I have a new plan, I wont be back Wednesday but hopefully I can wrangle up $80 to get on a bus and get my ass back to wonderful Louisville (Meatbag you are so going to sit down and drink with me lol). If not, I will be terribly saddened. :( But it's ok, I've done this fir four months, but I just want to have a Thanksgiving where I'm not being evaluated and talked about. I want to be back home.

Let's hold this complain train for a bit though, I don't want to pile my desperate attempts to get back to Louisville and Patrick. And trust me, they have been desperate. When you end up asking your mother, who wants you here in the first place, for money to get you back, yeah well that's not even the most desperate. haha.

Anyways, been a decent week so far despite not being able to go to my nephew's football game because it was canceled due to the other team had swine flu... only got to spend a little bit of time with my sister, and trying to get back to Louisville.... But hey that's life, or so I want to believe. So, I've been thinking alot about pizza lately and not just any pizza, Wick's pizza (YUM!). I love that place and I can't stand the fact that almost everyone that I knew at the Middletown store is gone... fired on false accusations or have just plain quit! The regulars aren't even the same anymore :(. I need a drink too but there are very, very few bartenders I like, and some rarely work and others have a specific schedule or have left altogether. Goose: Jeremy, Sir Nicholas... well, I dont like the other ones and they don't like me. Middletown: Mikey, D(falsely fired), Tyler (left). What to do, What to do?? I will never be able to drink a pink panty dropper (pink taco, the pink drink... it's got many names) ever again!! I won't be able to have D's Love! That just came out weird... Love is a drink: Peach Schnapps, Sour and Seven.. I can't remember the other alcohol in it. I've spent probably a good 2 hours trying to figure it out. As soon as I do I'll let y'all know... By the way, skipped over to D's facebook to see if he was on and left this wall post: "I just so completely blanked on what's in Love!!! Ahhh, It'll never be the same as yours though! That makes me sad." And his girl had a conniption fit and commented on it, asking me what that is suppose to mean. I didn't mean anything bad by it, I was just trying to figure out the alcohols! haha. Girls, what are you going to do?

On another note, I have spent some lovely time dwelling on my life, my liberty, and my pursuit of happiness (as well as insanity). Outlook is good, though I wish I could say the same about my prosperity...

Dear future generations of me,

I am sorry that you will not get huge amounts of cash from will.

Love, Yours Truely

Yet, I can't say that I am saddened by all of this at all. This woman (me) wants to be June Cleaver. I want to be the house wife, who has dinner ready by the time the handsome husband gets home. I want to be that happy family you saw on T.V. during the 1950's. Yeah, Yeah, I know you are saying, 'It's the year 2008! Come to the present not the past!' But I can't help it, I want to be June Cleaver... or Aunt Bea but that's later on down the road. Tee Hee! Anyways, I'm gunna git. Later.

5 songs that make me smile:

Party in the USA- Miley Cyrus

Best Days of Your Life- Kellie Pickler

Turn Around- Kingston Trio

Ironic- Alanis Morrisette

and...

Don't Fear the Reaper- Blue Oyster Cult

Wick's+Mental Retardation=Fantastical Times!: Take II

Now imagine, you are sitting at booth in a restaurant and are struck by the simple fact that the moulding is teal and the walls are purple! You all of a sudden, get this urge to hunt down an elephant and hide out in the jungle. You ask yourself, "Am I sure I just heard an elephant, monkeys, and a bird??" Your server walks up to the table with this absurd grin and introduces himself as Jamie. You go to ask him about the noises but think better of it, you don't want to come off as crazy, so instead you ask for a pint Smithwick's. As Jamie runs off to get your beer, you look at the menu. IT'S purple! You look over at you laptop and realize you now have a new topic to write about in your blog, because the readers already think you are crazy. Jamie arrives back with your beer and asks if you need more time to look at the menu. You tell him no and that you have decided on the Chicken Fajita. Jamie walks away to put your order in and you pull your laptop in front of you. You start to type but decide to look around you again, and see that you are the only one sitting in the dining room. You here, "I need a 18 inch Mighty Meaty and 18 inch Big Dick." in a female's voice. You can't help but giggle. You go back to blogging....That story ends how you want it to end. Though the readers of my blog may think I'm already crazy but I won't blog from that atmosphere until I am back in Louisville. The place is Wick's Pizza, and it is a very inspiring place for bloggers who enjoy great food, great alcohol, and interesting blogs.

My Wick's stories don't even come close to how normal that all would seem, they are beyond that. I have been called out on many things back in that kitchen, one of the most prominent brought up frequently by Benjamin is the third night Patrick worked in my kitchen. I was working expo and Sandwich that night and Ben caught me staring, and said 'Lizz, quit staring at his ass.' The look on my face was priceless (or so I've heard) and I immediatly turned around and began my work on sandwich. (but Ben tells the story better and I hope will comment on this blog as an annnymus user.)

I did not start blogging at Wick's, therefore I can't send you to another blog with all the stories and things I saw, but I can tell you, I loved that place. I have been in the midst of a 'jungle exploration' because the some of the boys would make animal noises, I have also hunted down a 'BK' bird, because one of the boys took the pizza paddles and started flapping them as if they were wings. I have been caught in a dark corner of the dining room and/or bar making out with someone (usually Patrick). My GM knew from the second day of Patrick working there, something is was going to develop between us. I have been called the Wicked Bitch of the North (Im from Ohio) by servers. I have many bartenders as friends and I enjoy the company of 98% of the regulars.

I got into flour fights with Sir Nicholas and flour fights with Ben. I got hit in the boob, ass and head all at the same time in a dough fight. I've broken up fights between best friends in the parking lot, and had a couple myself. I've spent hours at work on my day off just bullshitting. Tye-dye has become a part of my wardrobe (even though I haven't worked there in a year). I've been passed up for kitchen manager when I should have gotten it (hell, I rarely cared about it). I've had managers from other stores in my kitchen and it was still MY kitchen. I pulled a good 80+ hours a week for about a month with no days off.

Wick's is like Cheers. Everybody knows your name, and there is even a guy like Norm. It's a place that I am proud to call home, with people that I call family. Jamie is just one of the many severs that are sweet! He only works Friday-Saturday nights but he does his job with a smile. Memorie is my favorite server girl, she is amazing and even her babies are beautiful. Mikey, well there's alot of story behind him but, Mikey is just Mikey. He's an excellent bartender and even better friend.

This ends Take II, I am sure I will get many more stories thrown at me that I have forgotten and so look for a Take III in the near future. Enjoy, the yummy fun-ness and if you are ever in Louisville, hit them up either Middletown (used to be my store) or Goosecreek. You will enjoy Led Zeppelin playing in the background and you will wonder when the bikers, truckers and low- lifes show up but they never do! You won't be let down on how amazing the food is either!

5 Songs Heard Inside Wick's:

Stairway to Heaven- Led Zeppelin

Super Freak- Rick James

The Way You Make Me Feel- Michael Jackson

So Hott- Kid Rock

and...

Crazy Bitch- Buckcherry

Ciao, la Bell'Italia

I know a few phrases and quips in Italian. I learned them from my Grandfather (Mio Nonno). He being the Italian he was, taught me many things, like how to make a true pasta, we always had garlic olive oil around to put on our spaghetti, and that l'una famiglia è preziosa (one's family is precious). His last name literally meant 'of love' and that is all I felt for him. My great grandmother came from a little montain town about 20 miles from Rome, Lettopalena. Oh, how I would love to visit that little town.

I would love to name my daughter after my grandfather though only with his last name, I want Dakota Raye but I really would love for it to be Dakota Raye D'Amore and then her daddy's last name though I have not voiced this yet. If I can not have his last name in my daughter, I will be just fine with it. I miss that old man. He passed away when I was about 8 or 9 years old, and to this day, I will still buy a half dozen of daisies and stick them on his footstone. I will talk to him and tell him how my life has been and this very last time I have gone up to the cemetary, I had ask him to watch over Chasity. I am sure she is enjoying her Great Grandpap, just as much as I did.

Grandpap is the reason I have embraced the high Italian cheek bones I have, the tan I get and the red hair that many Italians have. I have embraced the Italian temper and the grudge holding. It is after all my heritage.

I would have loved for my babies, and Patrick to meet my Grandpap, because I know Grandpap would have loved Patrick. He loved many and disliked very few, and he was crazy. :) I don't have any pictures of my grandfather, but if I did, I would share them with you guys. My friends who have seen the pictures that my family does have, have said he looked like a young Vito Corleone (the Godfather). To me he was just Grandpap.

He is the reason, today, that I would love to tour Italia. Don't get me wrong, I would love to travel, Ireland, England, Belgium, and Japan even, but if I ever do get to travel before I die, Italy is the only place I would like to see. Though I would love to get married in Ireland, but that is just wishful thinking. I am an Irish-Italian by nature and by blood, but I embrace the Italian side more because that is what I was use to growing up. Traditions that follow my family is the Christmas after your 21st birthday (use to be younger), you get to take a shot with my uncle, my grandfather use to sing Christmas songs in Italian on Christmas eve, just like his father before him and so on. I wish I could remember those songs but I can't, I never got to know the words. Another, was Grandpap use to wish people Buon Natale (Merry Christmas) to everyone who passed.

There are many more but the list is absolutely to long. Yet, I will end with my favorite, It's not quite an Italian tradition as more of a German tradition, that my grandfather enjoyed. He use to hide a 'pickle' ornament in his tree at Christmas and the first child to find it got the 'extra' gift, which was usually coloring books, and such. I now have a 'pickle' ornament for my kids to pass on that tradition.

So, Enjoy your Bella Mattina (Beautiful Morning) and Ciao!

5 Songs stuck in my head:

Bella Notte- Disney's Lady and the Tramp

Si Provi A Volare- Luca DiRisio

Cryin'- Aerosmith

Miss Murder- AFI

AND..

Womanizer- Britney Spears

Time Consuming

This is the library I want, and the worst part is I have enough books that I could start a library. Ok, I guess the ones I don't read again I could donate but I always end up giving them to friends to borrow and read, so why should I? But the one thing I love isn't keeping me occupied long enough to waste my day away, so I started looking for something else. Facebook didn't last long, neither did MySpace. I just kept thinking; 'How much longer do I have to sit in this hell hole, playing Alice*?' Now, I love you guys all of you, and I will continue to blog but this isn't keeping my attention anymore either.

And then, I get told that I wasn't part of a plan, that this entire plan is worked out and I was thought about once but seeing as I'm up here, I might not be part of it! Then why the fuck tell me? Why not wait until that weekend this plan is suppose to happen, let me call you and then tell me about it? Because you don't want me getting upset that you are off with other people, drinking and having fun, while I get sit here and wait! I don't want to do it anymore, I can't do it anymore, I'm on the verge of just telling people to fuck off, shut of my sources to my other life and this one (facebook, blog, etc.) and say fuck it I'm done calling, but part of me can't do that yet. It's the part of me that doesn't want to give up and doesn't want to not be with him! I am so lost and I feel like the world is spinning around me, trying to fuck me over into thinking that I could live alone with 3 billion cats. I couldn't, I would go crazy and then y'all would see me on the news about how I was keeping dead cat bodies in my freezer and have a taxidermist making them into statues to put around my living room. Hell, no one would want to come over and if I gave up now I wouldn't have any kids to worry about Christmas for, so why the hell not?

I'm already going crazy, I know I am. I need to just get out of this damn town and back where I belong! I so wish that I could create a time machine or some kind of teleportation device.

Anyways, I hope this was a good read and I hope that I get some comments that say don't leave please or something like that.

*Referance to The Brady Bunch!

5 songs that are stuck in my sister's head:

Annie's Song- John Denver

Forever- Chris Brown

Fly Me to the Moon- Sinatra

Through the Fire and Flames- Dragon Force

and

Mr. Roboto- Styx

Oral

So, I went to the dentist Monday, because 1) I had an appointment and 2) my jaw is swollen and has been hurting lately. Bear in mind I haven't been to the dentist in about 11 years, but I walked in and they did the medical routine; Are you taking any prescriptive drugs, do you smoke, yada, yada, yada. I sat in the chair for about 25 minutes before the actual dentist could see me, alright a wait not that big of a deal, I already knew the were going to tell me my teeth were bad anyways. Not a huge deal, I just read the book I've been reading while I waited. I don't have insurance and this place I had gone to are doing a sliding scale, $30 a visit and the rest gets written of in their taxes as good deeds to the community.

I'm getting off subject, so anyways. The dentist had a field day with my teeth, rambling off long, medical terms for decay and cavities. The teeth picture they use looked very prettily colored. I'm not saying I am great with dental care, it was the way I was raised. I was never told take care of your teeth or even yelled at to brush them, but again I am getting off the topic. Where was I... oh, right, my jaw has been hurting because I have been chewing the heck out of the side of my mouth, right on the muscle. So she told me that I have a 60% overbite, and all 4 of my wisdom teeth have to come out before they can do anything else with them. I pretty much just said great let's get it over with and she told me that they didn't do any extractions at that office and told go to an oral surgeon who will be asking for $350 per tooth! Are they crazy?? My teeth are not worth 350 DOLLARS! I didn't even get any money from the Tooth Fairy, let alone pay someone to take my teeth!

So my teeth need to be pulled and I don't have the money. Great! Could my life get any worse? Next thing you know, I'm going to come down with rabies, staphylococcus, gangrene and swine flu! Fuck my life!

In other news, Louisville is getting closer to my grasp and I'm liking the sounds of that! Yay!

Laterz, you guys!

5 Songs that are stuck in my head: (sorry Meatbag had to take it and change it! It just means its a good idea....)

Then- Brad Paisley

With a Little Help From My Friends- The Beatles

Beth- KISS

Highway To Hell- AC/DC

and

DotA- Basshunter

Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin

This is unusual for me to write this early in the afternoon... but I think I'm going to try and come up with yummy goodness! Yay!

I know this picture is Fucked up! Yet, lately I have been all over weird things. I've been investigating people like Ed Gein, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Gorton, and The Mad Butcher of Kingsbury Run. Every year around Halloween, I seem to get morbid. With each passing year the morbid-ness grows, and this year isn't much diffrent. I've been reading Aftermath, Inc. and many of the above list are mentioned. (The author likes to mention Ed Gein, and Jeffrey Dahmer because he is from Wisconsin, not far from Ed Gein's farm.) But for some reason I am drawn to Mass Murder, Serial Killers, Rapists, and Mental Instituitions. I don't know if it's because I am highly morbid or if I am drawn to the insanity of it all?

It's crazy to think Ed Gein, ran around wearing the parts of females, and was a grave robber! Jeffrey Dahmer, was a pedophile on top of raping men and killing them, his first murder was in Ohio. Ted Bundy, has been romaticised! He's a rapist/serial killer, and had escaped at least once from custodey. Jeffrey Gorton, is a rapist from Michigan, he wasn't a serial killer due to the fact he only killed 2 of his victims. The Mad Butcher of Kingsbury Run, you may recognize them as the Cleveland Torso Murders, in the late 1930's killed a dozen people in the dilapidated side of Cleveland.

I know, I only mentioned well known Serial Killers, but I did mention the ones that hit closer to where I grew up. I know more about forensics and murders and death then most people. I have read books on the subject and like I said every Halloween I continue my search on these things. I enjoy knowing how a criminal's mind works, but I don't think we will ever fully comprehend how messed up these people are. I also think that those who plead insanity should be tried like those who didn't even have a chance too. If you don't believe that Ed Gein, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Ted Bundy should have been able to plead insanity than you look up the murders they commited. To commit a murder you would have to be out of your mind, and on the border of being put in an asylum.

So, am I morbid?

5 songs stuck in my head:

Pokerface- Lady GaGa

I Kissed a Girl- Katy Perry

Let's Get Crazy- Miley Cyrus

All Out of Love- Air Supply

And..

Paper Airplanes- MIA

"Weeee wish to welcome you to Munchkinland!"

I am a really big fan of The Wizard of Oz. I always have been, and I think the reason why is because I can relate the characters to my life. My dad has always been a Winkie living in the Vinkus, my momma is the Wicked Witch of the West, and so on. Yet, when I read the book Wicked, the entire cast changed for me. I became the Wicked Witch of the West (aka Elphalba), my sister is the Wicked Witch of the East (Nessarose), My grandmother is Nanny, and Jaime seemed to be the Good to my Bad, she is Glinda, the Good Witch. So, I question, "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" (Glinda) "I'm not a witch at all." (Dorthey)

I was so excited to hear that they were coming out with a box set for the 70th Anniversary! It is so amazing too. It has stills, the original film budget, a comemrative book, and the movie on both DVD and blu-ray! It came out last Tuesday and I have yet to go out and get it, but being flat broke will do that to you. My brother picked it up though, and my neice loved it!

Lee Ann is going as the Wicked Witch of the West for Halloween this year and if I am still up here, I will be Dorthey just so that we can go Trick-or-Treating and people do not think she is just another witch. The WWoftheW is my favorite character from the Oz, so it seems fitting that my favorite (and only) neice will be her. I am making wings for one of her stuft monkeys, so that she has her 'Flying Monkey'.

I will suggest this before I go; if you have never read Wicked and Son of a Witch (Gregory MaGuire), do so. It gives a new twist to the Land of Oz. Also for old times sake, sit down and watch the movie. Sing-a-long even, I won't tell!

5 All Time Best Oz songs:

Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead!
If I Only Had a Brain

The Merry Old Land of Oz

If I Were King of The Forest

And (of course)

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Ex-Band Members know how to Finger, Tongue and Blow....

I know that some of you, lovely readers, have hidden, 'geeky' passions. Mine just happens to be Band. Yes, I was the band geek, dork, loser, whatever you called them in high school, but I didn't care. I was, still am, proud of my band, and Jaime would say the same thing.

I went to the Showcase of Bands, which is now an OMEA competition (and has been for at least 5 years), Saturday night. I had tons of fun! I got to hang out with a part of the old group, there were a few at college. We sat there and I know that we all wished we could be back out on that field. It felt so weird to be sitting in the stands, watching all these bands perform, and not have to go and get 'suited' up for our performance, but things never change and we were in those stands acting like the high school marching band members we once were. :) It felt like old times without the hassle of capes, plumes and instruments!

We began talking about things that we wish we had back, ESPECIALLY on the new uniforms the band has now. They don't have capes, I was very sad. We continued our conversations with a tell all sort of feel. They wanted to know why we had to sit boy/boy, girl/girl on the bus (because of me). We talked about our Florida trips with a new found love, and our competitions. We judged every band on the field with a steady eye. We watched footwork, drill after drill, the horn hits and angles, and the drive that most dedicated members have. It felt powerful.

In competition, every show that is performed and judged has a theme, and the theme must be present in the drill. Jaime and I watched a Latin Jazz show (which really wasn't Latin Jazz), and reminsced about sophomore year. There was a Disney show, a Broadway show, there was a couple shows that didn't make sense, and couple that did. Lakota West HS had one of the best shows this year and it was called Pictures. They had the sound, the technique, and they made me 'want to throw my baby out on the field'. The show was well done and it had pizzaze. It made sense and even more it was very well done. Everyone was in sync and when I say everyone, I mean even the Flag corp and Majorettes!

I know I am such a band dork.... but I love it and it has taught me very, very, very many lessons for life. :)) By the way, here's how you can tell a band-ie;

-has one if not all of their band shirts and sweatshirts.

-Can tell you how to read the drill charts.

-Could, on demand, tell you all of their spots on the field for every show they have ever done.

-Falls into step with you as you walk.

-starts humming old band shows out of nowhere.

-When a song comes on the radio they start marking time, and planning drill for that song.

-They qoute things their director has said, "It's good to be hard... I mean, it's hard to be good." "Play so well that the audience wants to throw their babies out of the stands onto the field." and (my favorite) "You are the only one allowed on your knees on count five, Turner!"

AND..

-When a song comes on the radio, they shout 'We played that song my .... year!'

Now that I have showed you my complete band-o moment (which should have been embarrassing), I will have to say; "Amherst, I am proud of you, even if that was one of the shittest shows I have ever seen! But Work hard, Play hard, Stay focused, Enjoy yourself, and Want that 1 at State!! Good Luck, guys!"

See y'all laterz!

Dream Weaver

I've been having nightmares lately, ok, for the last 3 months. Not just any nightmares though, strange WTF nightmares. Not just zombies, or vampires, or werewolves, but a mixture of the three. the most common is 'Zombie Vamps'. What the hell do you do with a Zombie Vamp? Do you stake them or do you cut off their head? Now, I'm not sure where these dreams are coming from but I know it's not from watching movies and reasing books before bed. I've done that for years and there is only one book/movie that gives me nightmares that bad, IT by Stephen King. I only know that because I am flat out terrified of clowns. I will shank a clown if I have too.

Lately I've been reading alot of gruesome books, and a couple of the prepare yourself books too. At this very moment, I am reading Aftermath, Inc.: Cleaning Up After CSI Goes Home, The Zombie Survival Guide, The Zen of Zombie, and (i'm trying to find a copy of) Interview With the Vampire (if you need authors let me know). All of which are really good, but they don't give me nightmares.

Now imagine this <---guy sleeping in your walk-in closet. Scary, ain't it? Impossible? very much so. I know I have alot of crazy dreams but this one was one of the weirdest because it was a three part process involving two people's dreams.

I had dreamt, the night before my family came down for Thanksgiving that my this lovely dinosaur came out of my closet. Yes, I said my closet. Well, when he came out he tried to eat my little sister but I told him no he couldn't and he got upset at me. He stormed across the hall to the neighboring apartment and ate that entire family. At this point I woke up. My sister the next night dreamt that he came out of the closet and that I did the exact same thing I did before but he stopped me and said 'I am a vegetarian.' My sister woke up. That same night, I dreamt that he asked us if I had any vegetables in the kitchen and I told him no, so he gave me a $50 and asked me if I would run up the street to Kroger and get him some vegetables, because it would be awkward for him to stand in line with everyone looking at him.

Now I know you are probably laughing in your seat thinking that it was already in our heads because we told each other our dream. I will tell you that I didn't tell her the dreams until she said, 'I had this really weird that a T-Rex...", That's when I told her.

Anyways, I must try and get some sleep, and hopefully I will have a nightmare free sleep tonight since I am tired of them.

Later.

Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.

So, how excited would I be if this loan goes through for Benjamin?? MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO EXCITED! Yet, I am not going to 'false start' this game, jump the gun, ... alright can't come up with another phrase that fits. hahaha. I don't need to be saddened by Ben not getting this loan.





So, on to bigger, better, and badder things. I've realized I can't throw a luau yet, I'm still in Ohio, to cold. Man, and I like getting lei'd. :) Maybe, I will have a luau themed party eventually, and then everyone can get lei'd (including you, Meatbag, haha). I will evetually have an Oscar themed party. I came up with this a while ago, but the party will be on the night of the Oscar's and you have to come dressed as actors do. In example; Girls would wear a formal, or cocktail dress and boys, well I can't really give you what they wear anymore. I guess the guys could wear a Johnny Depp-esque outfit; jeans/blazer kind of thing. I had a friend tell me he was going to wear black pants and a tux t-shirt. I thought that was funny. I'm sure some actor has worn that before. I have a couple of dresses that I've worn (prom, and other dances) that I would like to wear again and since we rarely go out on a date to somewhere formal, I don't see it happening for a while, So I have decided that I will throw an Oscar party. I'm not sure if I will have regular party food (chips and dip), or if I will get the supplies together for finger sandwiches. haha. But it will be BYOA (bring your own alcohol). I will most likely have wine and Jack but those are mine lay off. haha.

Who knows if I will ever get to throw this party or if I will end up just casting it off. Maybe I will eventually get to wear my dresses out to somewhere fancy, though who knows the future on that one too. I so can not wait to get back to semi-warmer weather and I hope that is soon.

Anyways, I've rambled on long enough about getting lei'd, the Oscars, and finger sandwiches (that just sounds like a baaaad porn starring Ron Jeremy), so...

Laterz y'all!!













"I like to imagine Jesus in a tuxedo shirt because it says I'm formal but I like to party..." -Talladega Nights

The Life I Live

I've lived in Amherst almost all of my life, I spent 3 happy years in Lousiville, and now I am back in Amherst, alone. How did this happen? How in the world did I ever agree to come back to this shitty little town? I left saying I would never come back and now I have! Thank God, there is something better lying on the outskirts of this exile to 'Elba'. I don't think I could have ever been Napoleon Bonaparte, to be exiled sucks more than anyone could imagine. I keep feeling like someone put a fork through my chest and is twisting my heart like spaghetti. I'm around family who treats me like the black sheep, and I have one friend left here, and she has her own problems if you can't tell by her blog. So, why can't figure out why I said yes? I have no idea, I could have figured something out!

I'm left all day alone with my thoughts, now that the kids are in school, and this could turn bad. I'm left with sharp utensils, alcohol, cigarettes and myself. Probably the worst combination you have ever heard of! No I haven't done anything stupid, but that's because I am venting on here! If I hadn't of found this site, it could have gotten really bad, really fast. I don't know anymore, I've just been in a pissy sort of mood, I feel like walking along the railroad tracks, kicking rocks. :)

Anyways, onto the rest of the night and waiting until November!! yay!

Boyfriend

He's been mentioned but never fully talked about, which is odd because I like to talk about him. I enjoy being with him. I love everything about him. I love the way he smells, his voice, the list could go on and on. He's 5'11", continously tanned, gorgeous chest, beautiful blue eyes, and is the only person who can stop my emotions from going into overdrive (which is rarely, which just makes it ten times worse). I can tell him anything. I can tell you every little detail about him some are very personal and some not as personal. I can tell you that when we are sleeping I feel safe in his arms, and I sleep better.

I was in a mood the other night, a freaking out, get me out of here, bawling my eyes out mood, and he fixed it, he made the mood go away when no one else could. I was just not in the best mood because I had a shitty weekend, I've been thinking alot about Chasity, I found out I got ringworm, RINGWORM OF ALL THINGS!, I've been sitting in Cleveland alone since end of June. It was just a shitty weekend. Anyways, he let me rant and then said a few things and I was calm.

I've been with him since April 14, 2008, and we are missing each other, counting down days and can't wait to be dirty. :) (babe, please don't kill me.) It has been the longest 3 months of my life and I am so ready for it to be over.

Not very much about him I know but I notice that even though I like to talk about him I tend to ramble and repeat myself and I was trying not to put you through that excruciating process.

So, I am going to get out of here, and come up with something else to write about next time!

Laterz.

Wick's+Mental Retardation= Fantastical Times!

http://www.wickspizza.com/
The enclosed site is one many Louisville natives have seen, it is for Wick's Pizza Parlor and Pub. What you will find here is a restaurant decked out in purple and teal. Your server (and any other employee you may come in contact with) is wearing tye-dye and jeans. It's a very laid back, groovy kind of place. That is how it feels to be a customer.

Seeing as for most the time I lived in Louisville, I wasn't just a customer, I was also an employee. I was a kitchen rat who Brian, General Manager, trusted the kitchen with. When I first started we were a fully staffed functional restaurant. You had Brian as G.M., there was Nicholas (or as I referred to him Sir Nicholas De Mimsy Porpinton [Harry Potter referance]) as A.G.M., Jewels as the K.M. and D'Wayne and Tyler as Bar Managers. Within the first six months we lost Jewels, that's alright we can still function. Then we lost some employees, not that big of a deal either, turnovers in restarants are high anyways. But we gained this awesome employee named Benjamin. He's off kilter but we instantly became good friends, his reasons were more for personal pleasure but after a while that wore off. I've made 2 guys quit another couple hate me and quite a few friends. By the time Patrick started pulling double duty at his store and mine, we had a great night crew. There was Benjamin, Adam, Simon, Phil, and I hate to admit it but Derek. Eventually Derek 'left' and Patrick filled his space. We still had a great working crew, and that was only the group that worked well on a Friday/Saturday night!

Adam ran ovens, Derek rolled the dough, Simon and Phil topped, I was Sandwich catch and Ben cut the pizzas. We were kick ass.

There are so many things I could tell you about that has gone on in that kitchen, yet so little space, so I will pick out the few best moments.





The first picture is Phil (from here on out I will refer to this man as DntFeedPhil) and the second is Benjamin. I show these pictures so you get the idea of the size of these guys. They are both very tall (as opposed to my 5'4") and they both have a little more to love. I love these guys!
Now, on my 20th birthday I had to work, and I really didn't care that I did but these two and Tyler made it worth while. Benjamin and DntFeedPhil gave me the 'Big Man' hug sandwich, and Tyler ran out to Kroger for a cake and and a balloon. It really wasn't much but it was perfect.

Great times, Great times.

Wick's rolls their own dough, its not pre-made at all. Well, one Sunday night, the kitchen was empty except for me (they were all out front), and we ran out of paper in our printer. So, I decided to change it but in the process I hit the front of the dough roller, which made it tilt forward. Well normally you just tap it back and it'll settle itself, not this time. It fell to the floor catching my arm at the same time and crumpled the entire top of it up. All I could think was, "Oh, shit! Brian is going to kill me." The look on my face was most likely priceless. I finally realized I was bleeding, so as I ran to the back sink, I yelled for Beth (who was the on duty G.M. that night) and she came running back. All I could here as she insisted I go to the hospital was laughing, the boys were laughing. I did not end up going to the hospital that night but Beth did call Brian and told him what happened. Goosecreek just happened to have another dough roller on hand so a couple of the boys went and got it. Brian told Beth that I was to top for the rest of the night as punishment (I hated topping) but Patrick didn't think it was punishment enough and purposely every couple of pies hit me with the hand roller. I walked into work the next day bruised from finger to shoulder blade and collerbone, and now I will let you laugh a minute. ok, done now unto the next story.

The first morning I met Patrick. It was a Sunday at 10 am, I am not a morning person and when I am up earlier than I should be I get loopy. I had to mix and portion dough that morning because the manager that was filling in was not a very good manager. So, 10 am I walked in the back door still in my p.j.s, clocked in and through all of the ingredients in the mixer. After I turned it on I gave a sleepy look around to see who was working that morning. There was Simon and Adam setting up the line, Jesse (the 'manager') filling up his drink for the 3 time that morning, and this guy that I had no idea who he was, using the slicer. I checked the schedule, he wasnt on it, so I did what comes naturally to me and tried to strike up a conversation by saying 'while my dough is mixing you wanna have a cigarette with me?'. I got a mumbled 'not right now' (eventually he did go out and smoke with me). While Simon and Adam helped me portion out the first 2 batches, Simon realized this guy was slicing by hand on an automatic slicer, he had already finished the ham and cheese and only had turkey left to do. Simon turned to him and said 'Dude, it's an automatic slicer' and then proceeded to show him how to work it. The third and last batch I had to do, this guy (Patrick, If you haven't figured it out yet), helped me roll them, but we could not count. I was loopy still and he was either half drunk or hungover (to this day we are still not sure).

One more and then I've got to go. I will write another one about Wick's soon.

I was not there for this incident but I heard all about it. Adam was working ovens like usual and I guess Derek was being his usual inside of work self aka an asshole and sais something to Adam about a missing pizza. Well, Adam turned and yanked open the first oven and then slammed it shut and said 'not here'. Then continued with the other three, in this amusing fashion. Now what is so awesome about this one is that Derek and I were usually the ones who went at it and that Adam is not easily irritated. When I heard this story I just looked up at Ben and Patrick with a look of amazement and laughed. There was really nothing elseI could do.

Alright so I am out for the night! More Wick's fun-ness to come soon!
Later.

A Dear Friend

I must say that I have been overly emotional lately, don't know if it's because of the time of month or if it is because I have finally found people (my age) that I can connect to on a more personal level, a level that not many people find now a days, private is private, yet I feel that if more women, people in general really, spoke up about their grieving process of a loss of child, spouse, parent, or anyone else close to them, we would have a very nicely spun web of trust and comfort. I have decided once you start talking about your grievances, people start climbing out of the wood work to say a kind word, or to tell you they have been there, or even to let you know that you are in their thoughts and prayers. It doesn't really matter who it is, I have found some dear friends lately and I have never had the chance to meet every one of you (with the exception of Jaime) yet you have all tried to give me some form of strength, a word of a hope if you will.
And now to the individual thank you's!

-Anna- I have just recently started reading your blog and I hope the kind words have touched you in some way, and I hope they help you through your process. I do thank you for saying what you have because though it made me cry, it has hit home a great point.

-Trinity- You have had many encouraging yet ridiculous comments but all the same they have brightened my day.

-Meatbag- Thank you for the extra smiles a day

-Jaime (or JES)- well pretty much thanks for being my best friend.

AND

-Charmed- what would I do without your Friday Football Hotties! Thanks for the many posts about Scrubs and making me giggle a little bit everyday.

And the Academy Award goes to..... well, this ain't the Oscars but hopefully soon I can get a really cool badge up so that I can give it to you all.

So, for tonight, take care, and always remember you have a shoulder to cry on if you need it.

.......

Here's the badge that I have made!

So steal it and put it on your page! You guys are awesome!

Reliving Recent Fears

Disclaimer: If you are prone to becoming sad over other people's pain or do not like to hear sad stories, please do not read on. Otherwise venture through this post with caution.

I do not like to rehash events, I do not like to show people my true feelings, and most of all I do not like to have sad, unstoppable things happen to me. I tell you this, so that you see that I have been hurt like no one should ever be hurt. I will also tell you, I'm typing this out so as to help myself recover. I'm doing a great job of covering up the sadness I feel everytime I hear someone is pregnant, or I see a baby. I can't help but cry on the inside when I hear these things. Sometimes, I want to scream, "Why me God? What have I done to deserve this?", but I don't. I had done about everything to stop myself from crying, when I found out that my cousin and aunt were both pregnant and due about around the same time I was. I have no idea what went wrong, or why it happened all I know is, is that it did happen . So on to the little flashback.

June First was a great day, it was a Monday, and I had spent the entire day with Patrick. That night was a little bit diffrent. I was spotting, had no idea why, and I was really scared. I knew something was wrong and I had voiced this opinion when I went back into the bedroom to lay down, but as I voiced this opinion I couldn't help but cry. Patrick was my saving grace that night, he did and said everything under the sun to let me know that everything was going to be alright, but I continued to feel panicked and slept fitfully that night.

June Second, Called my cousin up and had her take me to the ER. First time mom here freaking out, needed to make sure everything was ok. So, I walked into the ER at about 9 am, signed in and was about to sit down when they called my name. They already had room open and escorted me there (That's why I love Baptist East's ER). The nurse came in and as she was taking the blood for blood work she asked me why I was in. When I told her, she said that it was sometimes normal and that it would be a great day, she said this all with a very comforting smile. They did their tests (blood work, ultrasound, and pelvic examine) and it all showed signs of defeat. My attending doctor came in and told me that the baby stopped developing at 9 weeks (I was suppose to be 12) and there was no sign of a heartbeat. Even then I didn't break down (though I know that I was screaming on the inside). I let the doctor give his shpeal and while my discharge papers were being drawn up, I chatted about the weather with my aunt. I took my discharge papers and my prescription and headed out the door (about 5 hrs after I entered them). I knew I had to be strong, I knew that I couldn't do this alone, and I knew I need the one person who could deal with a major breakdown. I called Patrick. The day doesn't just end there, no there was definantly more in store.

About 3 to 4 hours after we learned about the baby, Patrick and I were sitting around with a couple of friends when I got a call from his sister, his momma passed away. It felt so unreal, as if this weren't happening too. I knew now that I didn't have time to be emotional, the one person I loved needed me to be strong more than anything else did. I let him drink, I packed a bag, and I kept telling myself, I need to keep thinking straight. By the time Chyna and Joel went home, I had a shot of pain and took the darvacet.

June Third, 7 am arrived awfully early but I still got up. We headed over to Wick's and I let him try and work, but there really was no success there. So we got in the car and made the 8 hour trip to his home.

June Fourth, now here's the kicker, I shouldn't have made the trip, though my OB/GYN told me I could as long as I had a backup plan. I was hoping to God that this would not be an even worse trip then it already was, yet I seemed to had rolled snake eyes. I ended up in the hospital at 9 am (possibly earlier) because I was in so much pain that I was throwing up and could barely walk. They stuck me with morphine (wish I had some of that right now) and I was semi-conscience until it wore off, and then the dosed me again. I spent around 10 hours there they sent me home with a prescription for vicodin since the darvecet wasnt helping and a shot of morphine and told me if it got worse or I bled alot come back. Well, the morphine wore off and before I could even put the vicodin in my mouth I was puking again (nothing but bile and acid). So, off the hospital again we go. They kept me over night and I had my DNC (or Dusting and Cleaning as its known on the streets) the next morning and by 4 pm I was out of the hospital and sitting in a funeral home, popping a vicodin and being told to sit down and not move.

This is where my story ends and I sit back and let a fresh wave of tears consume me. So give me a moment.

Now, I know I am not finished crying but I feel a tiny bit better. How do you cope with something as big as that week? How do you let yourself know that everything will be alright? and How do you know that you are not the reason for losing your child? You don't, there is no possible answers for these questions and there might never be. You never know how strong you are until you have been put in a situation that needs strength. I had not cried all of that week until Saturday night when I finally sat down and had a moment to think about everything. I let everyone else use me as support, they needed it more at the time. I will not post a single thing in the beginning of December for I will be to much of an emotional mess to do any such thing. My little girl would have been here on December 10th but now she is in Heaven and she has Grandma to feed her chocolate cake before bed and to watch over her. She is my little guardian angel. So, RIP Miss Chasity Marie and Grandma Carol. We love you.




Sorry, you guys for the heart wrenching story but I had to get it out of my system, tell somebody and make myself feel a little bit better off then I was. As I have hoped it helped to put it down on paper, well not quite paper. So as to let myself cry, I will sign off with a teary wave and an "I love you guys for listening."

A Life's Soundtrack

I found this survey in highschool and had to do it, being the musicphile I am. So this blog is a shout out to a Mr. O. Meatbag! WOOO! Enjoy it. Now I proudly show you my musical selection for if they ever made a movie soundtrack for my life.

Opening Credits: Still Crazy After All These Years- Paul Simon
Waking Up: Land of Confusion- Either Disturbed or Genesis
First Day of School: Get Stoned- Hinder
Falling in Love: I Won't Say It- Meg (from Hercules)
Fight Song: Gun Powder and Lead- Miranda Lambert*
Breaking up: Better Than Me- Hinder
Prom: Animals- Nickelback
Life: Fight For Your Right- Beastie Boys, and We're Not Gunna Take It- Twisted Sister
Mental Breakdown: Spiderwebs- No Doubt
Driving: White Lines- Grandmaster Flash*
Flashback: Photograph- Nickelback
Getting Back Together: Heaven- Warrant, and Amazed- Lonestar*
Wedding: A Moment Like This- Kelly Clarkson
Birth of a Child: Crawling in the Dark- Hoobastank
Final Battle (also my zombie apocalypse song): 10,000 Fists in the Air- Disturbed
Death Scene: (Down With) The Sickness- Richard Cheese
Funeral Song: Just a Drop of Poison- Captain Hook (from Shrek)
End Credits: Deify- Disturbed

Yes, I am a huge Disturbed fan. Also if there is an asterix(*) by the song I have changed it from the original one I had. I have a wide taste in music, I love it all. :) hehe. This was for your enjoyment and Meatbag will like knowing a few good songs are still out there even if they are not classic rock, '80's hair bands or KISS!
For now, later.

P.S. Comments are appreciated.
P.P.S. Oh and let me know how you like the new layout of the blog.

Looking out for number 1

I learned today that people that you don't expect to disappoint you, always will. I also learned that those who look out for Number One; only looks out for themselves and noone else. Yeah, I understand, sometimes you do have to look out for yourself, but there are other people that need your help. My semi first best friend when I moved to Louisville, wanted to move to Vegas since the first day I met him (that was almost 3 years ago). Well now, after very litte thought on his part, he wants to join a cruise ship. Alright, sounds goood, enjoy yourself, but call me, I will miss you! He keeps saying he has nothing Louisville to keep him there and that is honest crap. He has is Mom, Dad, Sister and Nephews, he has his best friends, he has a job. So why does he want to run away so bad? I don't know he won't tell me anything anymore. We use to just sit around and talk about nothing and everything, we watched each others backs.
So looking out for yourself.
There's really no reason to this blog at all. It's just the rant of leaving my best friends for the sole purpose of making my life a little better, to knowing that when I finally get back to Louisville a couple of them will leave or already be gone. I have one best friend left here in Ohio and Im thankful for that but I miss the ones that had given me reason to keep on going, keep on trying to go back to school, and to keep on hoping that things will get better.
I really guess my entire blog isnt as funny as I was hoping it would be, it's more sad and rants then anything else. Maybe it's because my life sucks right now, or maybe because I feel like I got the raw end of the deal... I dont know.

Any opinions? or shall I just go on my way? haha
Adios!

Seriously.

I dont say very much lately, for there isnt much to say. If I could find the words, I could tell you how much im feeling right now, how badly I want to be back in his arms, how I want people to accept my decisions right or wrong, how much I'm hating myself right now, and how much I'm still loving myself. I've learned if I want to express something find a song that says it all, sometimes you find that top 40's hit and sometimes its just classical, but it all says something. I think in music even and I dont know if that points to how musically inclined I am or if it's just the way I was created. I wish I could just say what I need to but I also learned to bottle it up and help others, not the best way to go about things but it is what I do. I finally find the one person who is starting to get me to open up and then I had to come back to Amherst and close up again. I dont express myself unless it's through music and I've noticed I enjoy that more than using words, but me, some one who is poetic and creative and enjoys the use of words, can't express what I feel, how ironic. Do we all keep part, if not all of it bottled up or are there actual people out there who can say how they feel. I know I can say whats on my mind and I'm the most insensitive person ever and I will tell you straight up what needs to be heard but at the same time I can't watch someone cry and not feel bad that I cant help or say something that will make them feel better. I want to be able to do that, I want to be able to say, "Hey God has a reason for doing what he did, so dont fret over it and things will work out in the end." but how can I say it if I dont believe it? Dont get me wrong I belive in God and I belive that he has a plan set out but I also believe in karma, so how do I say it's not your fault when it might actually be do to Karma. I'm so frustrated and I want to be able to just say it and get it over with but I'd rather worry and fret and freak out over every little thing. Ben once told me that I overreact about inconsequential things, things that I cant control. I like to be in control I dont want to be able to watch thing spiral out of control and I think thats why I dont let God take control, I'm afraid that something is going to happen that throws me out of groove. One more thing before I say C-Ya.
Why did God want Miss Chasity Marie home with him? AM I not going to be a good enough mother to take care of her or was he short an angel? I just want to know his reasoning. I know, I'll see her in heaven and I know that she will be our guardian angel but I would have liked to have my baby girl here with me. I'm not mad at God, absolutely not, just want to know why. That right there has been ruling my life for months and it frustrates me that I lost one thing that I would have loved more than anything in the world. So the inside of my head is slightly twisted and confusing but I get through it everyday and go on with it, but I wish someone could just answer my questions. there are to many for just me.

SO, Seriously? FML.

Isn't this the most darling picture you have ever seen??

This is my sister and I. We were born exactly 5 years and a day to the minute apart. We are also the best of friends.

This is one of my favorite definitions of sisters: Biochemistry. being one of an identical pair. (dictionary.com)

Then from Urbandictionary.com (and the only definition I actually like): your sister is the girl that will always be there for you and may save you one day, wether you know it or not. your sister may or may not be related to you and could just be an amazing friend, but either way your sister is always slow to judge and quick to forgive. she will always love you, she might just hide it from you.

Kelly, by the way for all you boys who think she's pretty, is 16 and well, completely off limits! I think her boyfriend would go a little nuts and blow the whole world up if anyone would hit on her. lol.

Anyways for now I must say 'See you on the flip side'...

AND I REALLY WANT A WICK'S PIZZA!!

Home.

It feels FANTASTIC-AL :) to be on that cusp of heading home! Ok, so I may have another month until that happens but I'm hoping that it is sooner than that, because Do I need to be loved on! Don't get me wrong I love my strange and fascinating, yet oh so annoying family, I love my church family, I love my home town and I love my best (girl) friend, Jaime, But no one here is going to help me out and Cleveland is one of the worst places to get a job at now a days. Also there is only one person I want to be getting my loving from but right now he is 300 MILES AWAY!

HOME=Louisville=Love

And, God, right now sex sounds like ice cream on a hot day, aka fabulous. haha. I am not just missing the sex, I'm also missing sleeping in, watching movies, cuddling (yes, I said it), going out to lunch, the flowers (hint, hint), and pretty much just enjoying the company. Everday it gets closer and I get a little more hyped for the occassion.

This week just keeps getting better, hope it stays that way.

.... Tell me about your week!

My Best Friend

I said I would save the stories about Kurk and I for a later date, and well, it's definantly a later date. :)
Here's some background on us:
-We have been best friends for years (since I was 2 days old)
-We had sleep overs, and pick-a-nicks.
-We've been in the same classes at church since we were both little things.
-My dad and his dad are close and have been for years before we were even thought about.
-My dad quit attending church, while his dad became deacon.
-There were bets, until last August, that we would end up marrying. He is now married and I am not.
-We were inseperable.
-We have got into so much trouble that people know about, and more that people don't.
-And we love to snap towels... until I get welted up and bleeding and he comes to church the next morning with two black eyes, claiming he ran into a doorknob (not just the door) twice.

Well, back in highschool Mr. Goodytwoshoes wasn't as good as everybody thought. We use to do alot of mischievious things when our parents' backs were turned. We've slept together (and I don't mean the buddy-buddy footie jammy party in this context) many times, we spent Valentine's day together... alone, we had long talks about the perfect opposite sex, I wrecked his truck for goodness sakes! We covered for each other when one of us got caught. We would sneak out of our respectable houses just to hang out at the beach or in his neck of the woods. We were crazy!
Now back in August he called me up two weeks before his wedding to tell me that he wanted me there... IT WAS IN NEBRASKA! I have nothing against any state but I'm a poor college student. Anyways, he called me and said 'I would love to have my best friend here, I will even pay for her plane ticket out.' I respectfully declined stating that I couldn't just up and leave for that weekend because I already had plans with the boyfriend. But my actual reasons were 1) His wife does not like me at all, not even a teensy-insy bit. 2) I didn't get an actual handwritten/typed invitation. I found out from his dad two weeks before he called me. 3) I couldn't show up and know that (at that point in time) I still had the slightest 3rd grade crush on him. So I declined the invite making us a grow apart a little bit more than we already did when he left for college.
Well in April, his sister's wedding came around. I got an invite, I even RSVPed to their mom, telling her that I didn't want Kate to know I was coming. I even spent time going through my closest for something respectable to wear, I had the date requested off, and I had the boyfriend going with me. So, we headed to my hometown and showed up at the wedding. Kurk was a groom's man, and very upset when he saw that I showed up for Kate's but wouldn't for his. At the reception I paid compliments to the people I had come to see and to the wedding party. I even complimented Kurk on his purple vest and tie, they looked great on him. He pulled me outside and berated me and tried to make me feel horrible about not going to his wedding, and that's when I told him that his wife and I had a mutual distaste for each other. Again, making our rift bigger. I hadn't talked to him again until end of July/beginning of August and he pretended like nothing happened. So now we're all brought up to the fight we had last Sunday, all because I wouldn't hug him.
I talked to him yesterday, and we talked like we use to, except we discussed that we valued our friendship more than we valued finding new friends. We decided that we will be new friends, as if we just met, and that the past is the past and there are no more awkward feelings between us. And for the first time in almost two years I hugged him like I was five again, and it felt great! Though I wonder how long this 'new friendship' will last for we seemed to always be fighting :)

And as my man Humphrey Bogart says in Casablanca, "Here's to the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
The week has started off good, hope it stays that way, and I wish you all a good beginning of the week that ends great!

Irish are drunks anyways...

I am loving this college football season! Wolverines are 2-0 and there may be one team that can stop us this year... possibly and it's not looking so good for MSU this year (1-1) though I can't say very much it is early on in the season.... Yeah, I'm a nerd, I know this.

It's been so hard for me to write anything lately, that I feel like my brain has gone on a hiatus. :(
Though today one of my close friends posted pictures from her trip to the Creation Museum in Kentucky. She is an atheist, I don't have an issue with them unless they are not willing to see my side of religion, which in this case she didn't. My other thing is I really dislike people who try to press what they believe on others. Like this for example: (I cant seem to get my uploader to worker. lol. Hold on!)

(Yay! I'm not a retard!)This picture was taken on I-71 in Ohio, between Columbus and Cincinnati, I believe. Ok, it makes you think, but this isn't the only sign sitting there. The other says 'Hell is near' or something along those lines. On the back of these two signs (as if you need more reason to hate people), is the ten commandments, as they were written in the King James version, ya know, Thou shall not... I hate that, it's like straight up propaganda for the Catholics. Now I know these signs were not put up by a Catholic church but by a "non-denominational, hard working, accepting" church of Christ, except there are no lesbains or gays (I realize that the Bible says that marriage is between man and woman, but acceptance is what I was talking about), there are no divorcees, there are no tattooed biker dudes (there are many biker dudes who believe in God), and most of all there are no teens, the younger generation, to make sure that the 'good' they do is carried on. The reason for this is because they are all 'God will smite the evil sinners!' God doesn't smite anyone anymore because He knows that He has the choice in the end of accepting them in Heaven or sending them on their way to Eternal Damnation! Why should God smite them when He can just write all their faults in the ledger and play them back on the 142,000 inch, flat screen when they request entrance into Heaven.

I don't understand why people put so much emphasis into one God when all religions are the same and the ones that aren't are the ones who have a deity for everything, and even then they have the same outline. Most religions (including Atheism) have the main deity or Godhead, Christians: Jesus, God, Holy Spirit. Wiccian: Nature or the Goddess Mother Earth. Neo-paganism: Goddess. Atheism: Their deity is knowledge, free will, whatever you would like to call it. Now, I have done my fair share of research on this subject, I have talked to people about their religion (without judgement), I have attended mass, and ceremonies of many of them, and I have gotten the same concept out of all of them, "The 'god' rules all, s/he is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient.'

Now that I have that off my chest (if only I could get rid of these double D's), please don't be upset with my post, and please comment back! Tell me why you believe what you believe or even what you believe. :) I'm sorry if it wasn't funny, or full of sexual innuendos, but I hope it made you think, at least a little bit. Question everything because everything has a question.