Thursday, November 26, 2009
Update on me. Working to jobs (Wick's on Goose Creek and the Goose Creek Diner), happy as a clam, and loving the being home with Patrick. It's been a hell of a couple months but it seems to be getting better everyday! But I must emphasize on my jobs. The boys at Wick's don't trust me, because I am the kitchen manager's girl friend... There is an unspoken code in the kitchen though and that is don't rat some one out because you may need them to cover your back in the future. At the diner, I am just a glorified dishwasher... I work with two ex Wick's employees who talk bad about Patrick in front me. I hate the job but for now it brings in the money.
I had 5 teeth filled on Monday and I don't ever want to do that again! Although I have to call and make at least 2 more appointments to have more teeth filled. I also need to get my wisdom teeth out still. But on a better note, Packers play the Lions today and I am freaking excited. Let's go Packers!! Whooo!
Anyways, I gotta get off for now and hopefully real soon, I'll be blogging from home!
Y'all, have a Happy Thanksgiving!!
Lizz- That's two zz's! haha
Sunday, November 15, 2009
With that I'm off
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Now, I have been talking about this book non-stop to you guys, or so it seems, so I thought why not review it for you guys! So, on to the review!
Aftermath, Inc. Cleaning up after CSI Goes Home
by: Gil Reavill
This book is not for the weak stomached and definantly not for meant for those who are afraid to die or are afraid to face the fact that they will eventually pass from this world to the next. The reason I recommend this book is for the simple fact that many of us watch the crime scene shows (CSI, Law and Order, NCIS, Bones, etc.).
It starts out gruesome, explaining a double homicide/suicide. Explaining that sometimes crime scenes are the worst to clean up after.
"He was not done yet. He poured lighter fluid over Johnson's crotch are and set his testicles on fire. After allowing the flames to burn for a long beat- his best friend screaming at his feet, his estranged wife weeping one room away- Mazilli used his machine pistol to put a coup de grace bullet through Tommy Johnson's heart."
It slowly slips and slides through the many scenes Reavill helped the guys at Aftermath, Incorporated clean up. It seemed like he had help with everything from the double murder/suicide, teen suicide, homicide, and even decompisation. This book definantly wins points for gross out factors, but wait there's more!
He had many history lessons, including all about Aftermath and how they got started, Ed Gein, Al Capone, and the likes. Reavill talks about his feelings when he first enters the Aftermath offices and when he was finished with the the 'lesson learning'. He recounts his first clean up, and how he couldn't handle his weak stomach. With all of the almost morbid cast over the book, he still had some well placed witty remarks, including things about the Wicked Witch and Gil Grisom. My favorite part is the in depth look of a person, whether it be when he talked about entering the house and looking around, or the other Techs he worked with. Some of them, if not most, are ex-jocks that some how hold the business side very well and still be empathetic.
So, on the note of finishing this review, I'll leave you with this.
"In the most expansive view of the subject, a great deal of world literaturecan be classified as true crime, from Gilgamesh and Hamlet to The Passion of the Christ. But for me, the world of true crime, the world if Aftermath, was the opposite of clear-cut, morally certain territory. It was a deeply compromised place, just as messy and difficult to clean up as a job itself. Yes, I knew and honored the traditional forms of respect for the dead. But neither could I shake the relish, the satisfying sense of not-me, the voyeuristic thrill."
I hope you all try to put the squemishness past yourself and read this book! It made me want to work for Aftermath.
On another note: I am less than 14 hours from being home in Louisville!! Yay! I already know not very much reading is getting done this week, to much to do when I get back. But I will try to do BOOK REVIEW SUNDAY about twice a month, so look for the next one! I'm always reading about 6 books at once so I'll never know what I am going to finish next, so also keep an eye on my bookshelf. And if you have any suggestions, I am willing to take them. As they say don't judge a book by the cover, wait until you get done with the first chapter! Haha!
Well, I must sign off for now and hope you enjoy this lovely Sunday and the next post will be from Louisville!
5 Songs Stuck in my Head:
Inside the Fire- Disturbed
I Would Do Anything For Love- Meatloaf
Leave Out All The Rest- Linkin Park
Don't Let Me Get Me- Pink
Crash and Burn- Savage Garden
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
So Jaime and I have been playing a lot of the Game of Life lately. It has just been to joyful and 'oh, you are doing well in life'. I know, it's a kids game but what if there were an adult version....
Paths in life-
1) instead of choosing if you want to take the family path or career path, you have to spin a certain number and that tell you which way you must take.
2) Serial Killer path: you spin a 1-5 and you get to escape from his clutches and are safely in the custody of police, if you spin a 6-10, you are now his hostage, and may possibly die.
3)Family or Career: again you spin 1-5, you take the career path, filled with the happiness of hating your job, being fired, quitting, pay raises, promotion, no family, no spouse, and one night stands that you contract untimely diseases. spin 5-10, you jump on the path to family, which is filled with divorce, to many kids, a stay at home spouse, salary cuts (to show that you are not making enough to support your family, yet you still make ends meet), toy purchases, teen daughters, AA classes, etc.
Cars- are old beat up P.O.S.'s until you land on one of 5 spaces, where it will tell you that something untimely causes your car to go caput and you must spend $100,000 (not the real price of a car) to buy a new one, also there are spaces that have things to do with fixing cars (i.e. brakes go pay 10,000 to have them fixed and lose one turn)
Squares along the board-
1) Roof needs repaired on house, pay ....
2) Car catches on fire while on the highway, pay .... in hospitol bills
3) win lottery collect ... , a couple squares down from that, lose money when mugged by hobo, give to the person your right.
4) Go to rehab for Meth addiction pay ....
Anyways, that is only a few things that I have thought about for my adut version of life. If you've got any more ideas, leave a comment, if not leave a comment on your thoughts and because you love to show me love!
5 songs that are stuck in my head:
I'm Yours- Jason Mraz
All Summer Long- Kid Rock
Summertime- Rascal Flatts
Detroit Rock City- KISS
Live Your Life- Rihanna feat. T.I.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I went to a vocational school before attending Sullivan University for Culinary Arts and Hotel/Restaurant Management. The reason I state this is because I had plans with a friend to go eat at the restaurant, that is run by the students of the Culinary Arts program, this afternoon. Well, to say the least, I hyped my self up for the Tangy Pork and Peaches (sautéed pork tenderloin served over rice pilaf with sweet cinnamon peach sauce) that they serve and ended up not getting a chance to go. So, Jaime and I have decided that we are going to put in our reservation and go next week! Yay!! Plus, on top of the Pork, they serve things like Salmon, and Filet Mignon, you can also order salads and sandwiches. If the food had not caught my eye (I am what people would call a foodie), I would be seeing my old Chefs. The ones that had pushed and pushed and pushed and helped me excel at something I love.
I'm not saying I am anywhere near Hell's Kitchen status, but I do know my temps, conversions, and sanitation. I sometimes wish that I could be on Hell's Kitchen though just because I would love to work with Gordon Ramsey.
Anyways, the things that I have learned inside the kitchens and halls of that school out number the things I actually learned in school and I am ok with that. Yet, I went to Sullivan (I still have to finish) and was being taught the exact same thing the JVS taught me, and I excelled, even loved every minute. I ended up switching to Hotel/Restaurant Management half way through my culinary degree, instead of getting a dual degree, since it would have been harder on my work schedule and the semi-social life I still had. The only problem I had with Sullivan was that I enjoyed my summers off (even if I had been working all summer), but it goes year round, so that you can get a Associate's in 12 semesters (about 2 years).
But being the foodie I am I must quit rambling about school and talk about food! Let's see my favorite menu...
App- Either a salad with Raspberry Vinagrette or Broccoli and Cheese Soup
Entree- Stuffed Pork Chops (Stuffed with Macintosh apples [from MI] and bread stuffing), homemade chunky mashed potatos, and brussell sprouts
Dessert- Tiramisu- its a coffee cake and it is so delicious. Ladyfingers, Marscapone cheese, Expresso coffee...
If you can make that, I will marry you in a heartbeat without thinking, but it has to be all homemade. :) If you would like any of my recipes either send me a message or an email. I would be more than willing to help your taste buds dazzle with magnificence! I would love to invite y'all over for dinner too but that would have to be after Patrick oks it and tastes tests EVERYTHING! :) I love the kitchen, it's like my safe haven when the world seems to be getting in, through tthe screen door and my imagination is in overdrive. So, please come join the festivities and join me in a sensations of the tastebuds.
5 kick ass kitchen songs:
Chicken Fried- Zac Brown Band
Transylvanian Concubine- Rasputina
White Lines- Grandmaster Flash
Monkey Wrench- Foo Fighters
Shut Me Up- Mindless Self Indulgence
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Let's hold this complain train for a bit though, I don't want to pile my desperate attempts to get back to Louisville and Patrick. And trust me, they have been desperate. When you end up asking your mother, who wants you here in the first place, for money to get you back, yeah well that's not even the most desperate. haha.
Anyways, been a decent week so far despite not being able to go to my nephew's football game because it was canceled due to the other team had swine flu... only got to spend a little bit of time with my sister, and trying to get back to Louisville.... But hey that's life, or so I want to believe. So, I've been thinking alot about pizza lately and not just any pizza, Wick's pizza (YUM!). I love that place and I can't stand the fact that almost everyone that I knew at the Middletown store is gone... fired on false accusations or have just plain quit! The regulars aren't even the same anymore :(. I need a drink too but there are very, very few bartenders I like, and some rarely work and others have a specific schedule or have left altogether. Goose: Jeremy, Sir Nicholas... well, I dont like the other ones and they don't like me. Middletown: Mikey, D(falsely fired), Tyler (left). What to do, What to do?? I will never be able to drink a pink panty dropper (pink taco, the pink drink... it's got many names) ever again!! I won't be able to have D's Love! That just came out weird... Love is a drink: Peach Schnapps, Sour and Seven.. I can't remember the other alcohol in it. I've spent probably a good 2 hours trying to figure it out. As soon as I do I'll let y'all know... By the way, skipped over to D's facebook to see if he was on and left this wall post: "I just so completely blanked on what's in Love!!! Ahhh, It'll never be the same as yours though! That makes me sad." And his girl had a conniption fit and commented on it, asking me what that is suppose to mean. I didn't mean anything bad by it, I was just trying to figure out the alcohols! haha. Girls, what are you going to do?
On another note, I have spent some lovely time dwelling on my life, my liberty, and my pursuit of happiness (as well as insanity). Outlook is good, though I wish I could say the same about my prosperity...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
If I Only Had a Brain
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
So, on to bigger, better, and badder things. I've realized I can't throw a luau yet, I'm still in Ohio, to cold. Man, and I like getting lei'd. :) Maybe, I will have a luau themed party eventually, and then everyone can get lei'd (including you, Meatbag, haha). I will evetually have an Oscar themed party. I came up with this a while ago, but the party will be on the night of the Oscar's and you have to come dressed as actors do. In example; Girls would wear a formal, or cocktail dress and boys, well I can't really give you what they wear anymore. I guess the guys could wear a Johnny Depp-esque outfit; jeans/blazer kind of thing. I had a friend tell me he was going to wear black pants and a tux t-shirt. I thought that was funny. I'm sure some actor has worn that before. I have a couple of dresses that I've worn (prom, and other dances) that I would like to wear again and since we rarely go out on a date to somewhere formal, I don't see it happening for a while, So I have decided that I will throw an Oscar party. I'm not sure if I will have regular party food (chips and dip), or if I will get the supplies together for finger sandwiches. haha. But it will be BYOA (bring your own alcohol). I will most likely have wine and Jack but those are mine lay off. haha.
Who knows if I will ever get to throw this party or if I will end up just casting it off. Maybe I will eventually get to wear my dresses out to somewhere fancy, though who knows the future on that one too. I so can not wait to get back to semi-warmer weather and I hope that is soon.
Anyways, I've rambled on long enough about getting lei'd, the Oscars, and finger sandwiches (that just sounds like a baaaad porn starring Ron Jeremy), so...
"I like to imagine Jesus in a tuxedo shirt because it says I'm formal but I like to party..." -Talladega Nights
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
The enclosed site is one many Louisville natives have seen, it is for Wick's Pizza Parlor and Pub. What you will find here is a restaurant decked out in purple and teal. Your server (and any other employee you may come in contact with) is wearing tye-dye and jeans. It's a very laid back, groovy kind of place. That is how it feels to be a customer.
Seeing as for most the time I lived in Louisville, I wasn't just a customer, I was also an employee. I was a kitchen rat who Brian, General Manager, trusted the kitchen with. When I first started we were a fully staffed functional restaurant. You had Brian as G.M., there was Nicholas (or as I referred to him Sir Nicholas De Mimsy Porpinton [Harry Potter referance]) as A.G.M., Jewels as the K.M. and D'Wayne and Tyler as Bar Managers. Within the first six months we lost Jewels, that's alright we can still function. Then we lost some employees, not that big of a deal either, turnovers in restarants are high anyways. But we gained this awesome employee named Benjamin. He's off kilter but we instantly became good friends, his reasons were more for personal pleasure but after a while that wore off. I've made 2 guys quit another couple hate me and quite a few friends. By the time Patrick started pulling double duty at his store and mine, we had a great night crew. There was Benjamin, Adam, Simon, Phil, and I hate to admit it but Derek. Eventually Derek 'left' and Patrick filled his space. We still had a great working crew, and that was only the group that worked well on a Friday/Saturday night!
Adam ran ovens, Derek rolled the dough, Simon and Phil topped, I was Sandwich catch and Ben cut the pizzas. We were kick ass.
There are so many things I could tell you about that has gone on in that kitchen, yet so little space, so I will pick out the few best moments.
The first picture is Phil (from here on out I will refer to this man as DntFeedPhil) and the second is Benjamin. I show these pictures so you get the idea of the size of these guys. They are both very tall (as opposed to my 5'4") and they both have a little more to love. I love these guys!
Now, on my 20th birthday I had to work, and I really didn't care that I did but these two and Tyler made it worth while. Benjamin and DntFeedPhil gave me the 'Big Man' hug sandwich, and Tyler ran out to Kroger for a cake and and a balloon. It really wasn't much but it was perfect.
Great times, Great times.
Wick's rolls their own dough, its not pre-made at all. Well, one Sunday night, the kitchen was empty except for me (they were all out front), and we ran out of paper in our printer. So, I decided to change it but in the process I hit the front of the dough roller, which made it tilt forward. Well normally you just tap it back and it'll settle itself, not this time. It fell to the floor catching my arm at the same time and crumpled the entire top of it up. All I could think was, "Oh, shit! Brian is going to kill me." The look on my face was most likely priceless. I finally realized I was bleeding, so as I ran to the back sink, I yelled for Beth (who was the on duty G.M. that night) and she came running back. All I could here as she insisted I go to the hospital was laughing, the boys were laughing. I did not end up going to the hospital that night but Beth did call Brian and told him what happened. Goosecreek just happened to have another dough roller on hand so a couple of the boys went and got it. Brian told Beth that I was to top for the rest of the night as punishment (I hated topping) but Patrick didn't think it was punishment enough and purposely every couple of pies hit me with the hand roller. I walked into work the next day bruised from finger to shoulder blade and collerbone, and now I will let you laugh a minute. ok, done now unto the next story.
The first morning I met Patrick. It was a Sunday at 10 am, I am not a morning person and when I am up earlier than I should be I get loopy. I had to mix and portion dough that morning because the manager that was filling in was not a very good manager. So, 10 am I walked in the back door still in my p.j.s, clocked in and through all of the ingredients in the mixer. After I turned it on I gave a sleepy look around to see who was working that morning. There was Simon and Adam setting up the line, Jesse (the 'manager') filling up his drink for the 3 time that morning, and this guy that I had no idea who he was, using the slicer. I checked the schedule, he wasnt on it, so I did what comes naturally to me and tried to strike up a conversation by saying 'while my dough is mixing you wanna have a cigarette with me?'. I got a mumbled 'not right now' (eventually he did go out and smoke with me). While Simon and Adam helped me portion out the first 2 batches, Simon realized this guy was slicing by hand on an automatic slicer, he had already finished the ham and cheese and only had turkey left to do. Simon turned to him and said 'Dude, it's an automatic slicer' and then proceeded to show him how to work it. The third and last batch I had to do, this guy (Patrick, If you haven't figured it out yet), helped me roll them, but we could not count. I was loopy still and he was either half drunk or hungover (to this day we are still not sure).
One more and then I've got to go. I will write another one about Wick's soon.
I was not there for this incident but I heard all about it. Adam was working ovens like usual and I guess Derek was being his usual inside of work self aka an asshole and sais something to Adam about a missing pizza. Well, Adam turned and yanked open the first oven and then slammed it shut and said 'not here'. Then continued with the other three, in this amusing fashion. Now what is so awesome about this one is that Derek and I were usually the ones who went at it and that Adam is not easily irritated. When I heard this story I just looked up at Ben and Patrick with a look of amazement and laughed. There was really nothing elseI could do.
Alright so I am out for the night! More Wick's fun-ness to come soon!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
And now to the individual thank you's!
-Anna- I have just recently started reading your blog and I hope the kind words have touched you in some way, and I hope they help you through your process. I do thank you for saying what you have because though it made me cry, it has hit home a great point.
-Trinity- You have had many encouraging yet ridiculous comments but all the same they have brightened my day.
-Meatbag- Thank you for the extra smiles a day
-Jaime (or JES)- well pretty much thanks for being my best friend.
-Charmed- what would I do without your Friday Football Hotties! Thanks for the many posts about Scrubs and making me giggle a little bit everyday.
And the Academy Award goes to..... well, this ain't the Oscars but hopefully soon I can get a really cool badge up so that I can give it to you all.
So, for tonight, take care, and always remember you have a shoulder to cry on if you need it.
So steal it and put it on your page! You guys are awesome!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
I do not like to rehash events, I do not like to show people my true feelings, and most of all I do not like to have sad, unstoppable things happen to me. I tell you this, so that you see that I have been hurt like no one should ever be hurt. I will also tell you, I'm typing this out so as to help myself recover. I'm doing a great job of covering up the sadness I feel everytime I hear someone is pregnant, or I see a baby. I can't help but cry on the inside when I hear these things. Sometimes, I want to scream, "Why me God? What have I done to deserve this?", but I don't. I had done about everything to stop myself from crying, when I found out that my cousin and aunt were both pregnant and due about around the same time I was. I have no idea what went wrong, or why it happened all I know is, is that it did happen . So on to the little flashback.
June First was a great day, it was a Monday, and I had spent the entire day with Patrick. That night was a little bit diffrent. I was spotting, had no idea why, and I was really scared. I knew something was wrong and I had voiced this opinion when I went back into the bedroom to lay down, but as I voiced this opinion I couldn't help but cry. Patrick was my saving grace that night, he did and said everything under the sun to let me know that everything was going to be alright, but I continued to feel panicked and slept fitfully that night.
June Second, Called my cousin up and had her take me to the ER. First time mom here freaking out, needed to make sure everything was ok. So, I walked into the ER at about 9 am, signed in and was about to sit down when they called my name. They already had room open and escorted me there (That's why I love Baptist East's ER). The nurse came in and as she was taking the blood for blood work she asked me why I was in. When I told her, she said that it was sometimes normal and that it would be a great day, she said this all with a very comforting smile. They did their tests (blood work, ultrasound, and pelvic examine) and it all showed signs of defeat. My attending doctor came in and told me that the baby stopped developing at 9 weeks (I was suppose to be 12) and there was no sign of a heartbeat. Even then I didn't break down (though I know that I was screaming on the inside). I let the doctor give his shpeal and while my discharge papers were being drawn up, I chatted about the weather with my aunt. I took my discharge papers and my prescription and headed out the door (about 5 hrs after I entered them). I knew I had to be strong, I knew that I couldn't do this alone, and I knew I need the one person who could deal with a major breakdown. I called Patrick. The day doesn't just end there, no there was definantly more in store.
About 3 to 4 hours after we learned about the baby, Patrick and I were sitting around with a couple of friends when I got a call from his sister, his momma passed away. It felt so unreal, as if this weren't happening too. I knew now that I didn't have time to be emotional, the one person I loved needed me to be strong more than anything else did. I let him drink, I packed a bag, and I kept telling myself, I need to keep thinking straight. By the time Chyna and Joel went home, I had a shot of pain and took the darvacet.
June Third, 7 am arrived awfully early but I still got up. We headed over to Wick's and I let him try and work, but there really was no success there. So we got in the car and made the 8 hour trip to his home.
June Fourth, now here's the kicker, I shouldn't have made the trip, though my OB/GYN told me I could as long as I had a backup plan. I was hoping to God that this would not be an even worse trip then it already was, yet I seemed to had rolled snake eyes. I ended up in the hospital at 9 am (possibly earlier) because I was in so much pain that I was throwing up and could barely walk. They stuck me with morphine (wish I had some of that right now) and I was semi-conscience until it wore off, and then the dosed me again. I spent around 10 hours there they sent me home with a prescription for vicodin since the darvecet wasnt helping and a shot of morphine and told me if it got worse or I bled alot come back. Well, the morphine wore off and before I could even put the vicodin in my mouth I was puking again (nothing but bile and acid). So, off the hospital again we go. They kept me over night and I had my DNC (or Dusting and Cleaning as its known on the streets) the next morning and by 4 pm I was out of the hospital and sitting in a funeral home, popping a vicodin and being told to sit down and not move.
This is where my story ends and I sit back and let a fresh wave of tears consume me. So give me a moment.
Now, I know I am not finished crying but I feel a tiny bit better. How do you cope with something as big as that week? How do you let yourself know that everything will be alright? and How do you know that you are not the reason for losing your child? You don't, there is no possible answers for these questions and there might never be. You never know how strong you are until you have been put in a situation that needs strength. I had not cried all of that week until Saturday night when I finally sat down and had a moment to think about everything. I let everyone else use me as support, they needed it more at the time. I will not post a single thing in the beginning of December for I will be to much of an emotional mess to do any such thing. My little girl would have been here on December 10th but now she is in Heaven and she has Grandma to feed her chocolate cake before bed and to watch over her. She is my little guardian angel. So, RIP Miss Chasity Marie and Grandma Carol. We love you.
Sorry, you guys for the heart wrenching story but I had to get it out of my system, tell somebody and make myself feel a little bit better off then I was. As I have hoped it helped to put it down on paper, well not quite paper. So as to let myself cry, I will sign off with a teary wave and an "I love you guys for listening."
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Opening Credits: Still Crazy After All These Years- Paul Simon
Waking Up: Land of Confusion- Either Disturbed or Genesis
First Day of School: Get Stoned- Hinder
Falling in Love: I Won't Say It- Meg (from Hercules)
Fight Song: Gun Powder and Lead- Miranda Lambert*
Breaking up: Better Than Me- Hinder
Prom: Animals- Nickelback
Life: Fight For Your Right- Beastie Boys, and We're Not Gunna Take It- Twisted Sister
Mental Breakdown: Spiderwebs- No Doubt
Driving: White Lines- Grandmaster Flash*
Flashback: Photograph- Nickelback
Getting Back Together: Heaven- Warrant, and Amazed- Lonestar*
Wedding: A Moment Like This- Kelly Clarkson
Birth of a Child: Crawling in the Dark- Hoobastank
Final Battle (also my zombie apocalypse song): 10,000 Fists in the Air- Disturbed
Death Scene: (Down With) The Sickness- Richard Cheese
Funeral Song: Just a Drop of Poison- Captain Hook (from Shrek)
End Credits: Deify- Disturbed
Yes, I am a huge Disturbed fan. Also if there is an asterix(*) by the song I have changed it from the original one I had. I have a wide taste in music, I love it all. :) hehe. This was for your enjoyment and Meatbag will like knowing a few good songs are still out there even if they are not classic rock, '80's hair bands or KISS!
For now, later.
P.S. Comments are appreciated.
P.P.S. Oh and let me know how you like the new layout of the blog.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
So looking out for yourself.
There's really no reason to this blog at all. It's just the rant of leaving my best friends for the sole purpose of making my life a little better, to knowing that when I finally get back to Louisville a couple of them will leave or already be gone. I have one best friend left here in Ohio and Im thankful for that but I miss the ones that had given me reason to keep on going, keep on trying to go back to school, and to keep on hoping that things will get better.
I really guess my entire blog isnt as funny as I was hoping it would be, it's more sad and rants then anything else. Maybe it's because my life sucks right now, or maybe because I feel like I got the raw end of the deal... I dont know.
Any opinions? or shall I just go on my way? haha
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Why did God want Miss Chasity Marie home with him? AM I not going to be a good enough mother to take care of her or was he short an angel? I just want to know his reasoning. I know, I'll see her in heaven and I know that she will be our guardian angel but I would have liked to have my baby girl here with me. I'm not mad at God, absolutely not, just want to know why. That right there has been ruling my life for months and it frustrates me that I lost one thing that I would have loved more than anything in the world. So the inside of my head is slightly twisted and confusing but I get through it everyday and go on with it, but I wish someone could just answer my questions. there are to many for just me.
SO, Seriously? FML.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
This is my sister and I. We were born exactly 5 years and a day to the minute apart. We are also the best of friends.
This is one of my favorite definitions of sisters: Biochemistry. being one of an identical pair. (dictionary.com)
Then from Urbandictionary.com (and the only definition I actually like): your sister is the girl that will always be there for you and may save you one day, wether you know it or not. your sister may or may not be related to you and could just be an amazing friend, but either way your sister is always slow to judge and quick to forgive. she will always love you, she might just hide it from you.
Kelly, by the way for all you boys who think she's pretty, is 16 and well, completely off limits! I think her boyfriend would go a little nuts and blow the whole world up if anyone would hit on her. lol.
Anyways for now I must say 'See you on the flip side'...
AND I REALLY WANT A WICK'S PIZZA!!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
And, God, right now sex sounds like ice cream on a hot day, aka fabulous. haha. I am not just missing the sex, I'm also missing sleeping in, watching movies, cuddling (yes, I said it), going out to lunch, the flowers (hint, hint), and pretty much just enjoying the company. Everday it gets closer and I get a little more hyped for the occassion.
This week just keeps getting better, hope it stays that way.
.... Tell me about your week!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Here's some background on us:
-We have been best friends for years (since I was 2 days old)
-We had sleep overs, and pick-a-nicks.
-We've been in the same classes at church since we were both little things.
-My dad and his dad are close and have been for years before we were even thought about.
-My dad quit attending church, while his dad became deacon.
-There were bets, until last August, that we would end up marrying. He is now married and I am not.
-We were inseperable.
-We have got into so much trouble that people know about, and more that people don't.
-And we love to snap towels... until I get welted up and bleeding and he comes to church the next morning with two black eyes, claiming he ran into a doorknob (not just the door) twice.
Well, back in highschool Mr. Goodytwoshoes wasn't as good as everybody thought. We use to do alot of mischievious things when our parents' backs were turned. We've slept together (and I don't mean the buddy-buddy footie jammy party in this context) many times, we spent Valentine's day together... alone, we had long talks about the perfect opposite sex, I wrecked his truck for goodness sakes! We covered for each other when one of us got caught. We would sneak out of our respectable houses just to hang out at the beach or in his neck of the woods. We were crazy!
Now back in August he called me up two weeks before his wedding to tell me that he wanted me there... IT WAS IN NEBRASKA! I have nothing against any state but I'm a poor college student. Anyways, he called me and said 'I would love to have my best friend here, I will even pay for her plane ticket out.' I respectfully declined stating that I couldn't just up and leave for that weekend because I already had plans with the boyfriend. But my actual reasons were 1) His wife does not like me at all, not even a teensy-insy bit. 2) I didn't get an actual handwritten/typed invitation. I found out from his dad two weeks before he called me. 3) I couldn't show up and know that (at that point in time) I still had the slightest 3rd grade crush on him. So I declined the invite making us a grow apart a little bit more than we already did when he left for college.
Well in April, his sister's wedding came around. I got an invite, I even RSVPed to their mom, telling her that I didn't want Kate to know I was coming. I even spent time going through my closest for something respectable to wear, I had the date requested off, and I had the boyfriend going with me. So, we headed to my hometown and showed up at the wedding. Kurk was a groom's man, and very upset when he saw that I showed up for Kate's but wouldn't for his. At the reception I paid compliments to the people I had come to see and to the wedding party. I even complimented Kurk on his purple vest and tie, they looked great on him. He pulled me outside and berated me and tried to make me feel horrible about not going to his wedding, and that's when I told him that his wife and I had a mutual distaste for each other. Again, making our rift bigger. I hadn't talked to him again until end of July/beginning of August and he pretended like nothing happened. So now we're all brought up to the fight we had last Sunday, all because I wouldn't hug him.
I talked to him yesterday, and we talked like we use to, except we discussed that we valued our friendship more than we valued finding new friends. We decided that we will be new friends, as if we just met, and that the past is the past and there are no more awkward feelings between us. And for the first time in almost two years I hugged him like I was five again, and it felt great! Though I wonder how long this 'new friendship' will last for we seemed to always be fighting :)
And as my man Humphrey Bogart says in Casablanca, "Here's to the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
The week has started off good, hope it stays that way, and I wish you all a good beginning of the week that ends great!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
It's been so hard for me to write anything lately, that I feel like my brain has gone on a hiatus. :(
Though today one of my close friends posted pictures from her trip to the Creation Museum in Kentucky. She is an atheist, I don't have an issue with them unless they are not willing to see my side of religion, which in this case she didn't. My other thing is I really dislike people who try to press what they believe on others. Like this for example: (I cant seem to get my uploader to worker. lol. Hold on!)
(Yay! I'm not a retard!)This picture was taken on I-71 in Ohio, between Columbus and Cincinnati, I believe. Ok, it makes you think, but this isn't the only sign sitting there. The other says 'Hell is near' or something along those lines. On the back of these two signs (as if you need more reason to hate people), is the ten commandments, as they were written in the King James version, ya know, Thou shall not... I hate that, it's like straight up propaganda for the Catholics. Now I know these signs were not put up by a Catholic church but by a "non-denominational, hard working, accepting" church of Christ, except there are no lesbains or gays (I realize that the Bible says that marriage is between man and woman, but acceptance is what I was talking about), there are no divorcees, there are no tattooed biker dudes (there are many biker dudes who believe in God), and most of all there are no teens, the younger generation, to make sure that the 'good' they do is carried on. The reason for this is because they are all 'God will smite the evil sinners!' God doesn't smite anyone anymore because He knows that He has the choice in the end of accepting them in Heaven or sending them on their way to Eternal Damnation! Why should God smite them when He can just write all their faults in the ledger and play them back on the 142,000 inch, flat screen when they request entrance into Heaven.
I don't understand why people put so much emphasis into one God when all religions are the same and the ones that aren't are the ones who have a deity for everything, and even then they have the same outline. Most religions (including Atheism) have the main deity or Godhead, Christians: Jesus, God, Holy Spirit. Wiccian: Nature or the Goddess Mother Earth. Neo-paganism: Goddess. Atheism: Their deity is knowledge, free will, whatever you would like to call it. Now, I have done my fair share of research on this subject, I have talked to people about their religion (without judgement), I have attended mass, and ceremonies of many of them, and I have gotten the same concept out of all of them, "The 'god' rules all, s/he is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient.'
Now that I have that off my chest (if only I could get rid of these double D's), please don't be upset with my post, and please comment back! Tell me why you believe what you believe or even what you believe. :) I'm sorry if it wasn't funny, or full of sexual innuendos, but I hope it made you think, at least a little bit. Question everything because everything has a question.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Let's see I have plans tomorrow to watch the Michigan/Notre Dame game with one of my friends but I have to bail on that because my nephew has his first football game. My sister wont talk to me because I havent made it to any of her games (because Im broke).
So... anyways sorry about cutting it short, and not writing very much this week. It hasn't been a good one.
What's your opinion?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
It's been one of those days. Ya know, the ones where you spend so much time avoiding someone, that you really don't feel like much good has happened to you.
Well, anyways, today was the annual Labor Day Ziegler's Pig Roast! An event that rival's any occassion! Like I said the other day, I wore my Famous Dave's t-shirt that read, "We serve no swine before its time" and everyone loved it. I got to enjoy the company of people I haven't seen in years and those that I see almost every Sunday, (old and young alike). I avoided my best guy friend (Kurk) like the plague and talked to my favorite 'adopted' grandparents. It was a buffet smorgasborg of freshly BBQ pork and potluck favorites!! And the desserts were phenominal as well as pretty.... wierd! (picture of my favorite dessert at the bottom).
The Ziegler's farm is acres of many planted fields and pig barns as far as they eye can see! It's the place that I hung out at when I was little and wanted company of something other than humans. It's where my first kiss happened, and the first time a boy told me I was beautiful. It's a land filled with memories, like when I jumped into the pond in the middle of February with the temperature of only 34 degrees! We use to swing in the hay barn and play in the pig pens as the piglets played at our feet. I've spent many a summer night, laying out on a blanket in the middle of the bean field, counting the stars with Kurk. It is in that same field, that I flipped Kurk's truck 3 times and we both walked away without a scratch. The corn fields are where Kurk and I use to take the younger kids at Halloween and tell them scary stories. The woods are where I, both went hunting and shot a deer for the first time. It is where I was taught to skin a deer, a pig, a rabbit, and a squirell. And where I first tried BBQ squirell. It is where the youth group spent many a night studying for a Bible competition into the wee hours of the morning. It is where I learned to drive my first car, and insemmenate a pig. It is where I got shoved against a wall by a 800 pound boar (male pig), where I got to see a mother pig give birth to it's babies, and where I got to toss said, babies out of the pen, to the guy on the otherside, like footballs.
I sat there today and just stared at my surrondings as all these memories and many more came flooding back into my mind. I realized that when I was upset, I had a place to go and cool off. When I was excited, I had a place that pulled me into its arms and rejoiced with me. And when all I wanted to do was cry, I had a place that would cry with me. The Ziegler's farm was a place that felt like home, it was an extension to my family, and it always will be. I also realized that this farm was where I found my faith and where I learned just who I was. It is home.
Kurk and I are falling apart, and not just in distance. We were at one time, insepreable. Now we are avoiding each other, tip-toeing around our issues, and not even speaking at points in time. I sat on the edge of the pond today, taking in the country air, and tried to figure out how to fix my best friend. I couldn't come up with anything except, friendships fall apart, sometimes for no reason at all. As I sat there, all I could think about was how I wanted Kurk to be sitting next to me bull shitting about life and try to decide who we wanted on our soccer team at the Pig Roast. I wanted to be able to hug him and know that we weren't falling away from each other, that we were still the best friends we have always been, and that later tonight we would be laying on a blanket staring at the stars. Yet, part of me knew that even if I wished as hard as I could I couldn't change the present.
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and knew that I had come home to a place that was familiar to me even if I was feeling for my friends, family, and my love. It settled me into a sense of calm, that if only for a moment made me think I could take on the entire world and not back down. I was invincible. The moment passed quickly and I was back to my worrying, neurotic self, but there was something left behind. The moment left the strength to face another person, another day, behind to help me when it seemed like all is lost! And man, did that strength feel good. So I have decided that when Sunday comes, I will sit Kurk down and tell him that I can't do this anymore, that I need my best friend back, and that our diffrences will never matter because I have the strength to say no to him, and to be able to hug him without consequences. I don't harbor any more feelings for him, none at all, and I haven't for quite some time now. It just took time to realize that the love I feel for him is pure friendship and always has been.
I just pray that this strength will not leave and it will help me get back to the one I truely love and can't live without by my side. That it will be there when I am in the hospitol, telling Patrick it is all his fault that I am in so much pain from child birth, and that it is still there the first time I have to discipline our child.
But for now, on to tomorrow!! Bring it on!!
As for the title of this blog... well there really is no connection to it. It just catches the attention! haha
(As My neice called them, Pig Cakes!)